Three Tips for Interpersonal Relationships

His Holiness Jigme Phuntsok Rinpoche had taught that, there are three important things in interpersonal relationships. First, you should respect your superiors and boss instead of looking down on them. Second, you should show kindness to your equals, because when you associate with them, these people may become your competitors and cause you to be jealous and arrogant. You should get to know colleagues, communicate with them properly and get along well with them. Third, to those who are inferior, whether in terms of wisdom, ability or any other aspect, you should take care of them with love and compassion. I believe these are insightful words.

Some people are good to their superiors and please them all the time. Even if they don’t want to, they always smile in front of them. Even though his boss doesn’t need to be pleased, he directs all his attention and kindness to him. However, they don’t get along with those equal or inferior to them. This is not good.

Some people do not get along with their superiors and don’t respect them, but they get along well with their equals. If the boss is not happy with you, it’s possible that on occasion, he can make things very difficult for you. One word or gesture from him may cause you to lose your job. Especially in today’s society, he can do that easily. Many laid-off workers are not good at getting along with their bosses. We’re not asking people to please the boss blindly, but it is necessary to report to him regularly and to talk to him with respect. He is your boss and deserves your respect.

As a student at school, you should respect your teachers; at home, you should respect the elderly. In a company or any work place, you may have many bosses, big bosses and small bosses. If you are only good to some people but not others, the time may come when these people make unexpected troubles for you. Your life will change for the worse. This is quite possible.

Some people only treat their equals and superiors well, but treat people who are their inferiors badly. I’ve met some who are somewhat successful and treat their housekeepers, drivers and disadvantaged people with disrespect and do not even treat them as human beings. They make their life difficult and actually this is unreasonable. If you were one of them, you would not want to be treated like this.

In Buddhism, we believe some people are kings, because they respected people in their previous lives and are rewarded in this life. Those inferior people used to have power and influence in their previous lives, but they had deceived, looked down upon or threatened others, so in this life they become inferior people.

Therefore, to enjoy a good interpersonal relationship, I believe you should remember His Holiness’ three points. In today’s world, whether you are young or old, or no matter what social status you have, you should show respect to your superiors, show kindness to your equals and take care of your inferiors. If you put these words into practice, you will enjoy a very good reputation among the people around you. Even if you’re not on good terms with a few people, you know you’ve already made efforts.